Monday, November 22, 2004

Robert Wilson, May He Be Sodomized by PCP-Crazed NeoNazis

As some of you no doubt know, and the rest no doubt don't care to, I am now a University of Toronto graduate. It was my misfortune to attend the ceremony, at which the execrable Robert Wilson was given an honory degree and, for fifteen minutes, the podium. This forum he used to babble incoherently, first about an underprivelaged deaf-mute black kid from Arkansas whom he oh-so-heroically saved from a beating at the hands of a racist New York cop, and who taught him the meaning of thinking in images. He then proceeded to imitate the sounds of an institutionalized autistic child, capping off his speech by stating "Had I gone to Harvard or Yale, I would not be making the excellent theatre I am making today," ie, your high-priced degrees which you have sacrificed tens of thousands of dollars and years of your lives for aren't worth the cheap paper they're printed on.

Hence, this:

I graduated from U of T last week. I just wanted to thank you for cheapening the tens of thousands of dollars and years of time I, my parents, my bank, and my government invested in my education. Your speech was the most incoherent and meaningless collection of garbage it has ever been my misfortune to hear. I sincerely hope you contract ebola and shit out your own intestines. From the bottom of my heart, Fuck You.

Now, Mr. Wilson's email is not publicly available.

Oh, I mean, it wasn't publicly available:

robert.wilson@robertwilson.com

Now, getting it involved a little bit of geuss-work, and it might not be correct (though assuming it is, much might be said about a man whose email address contains his name twice.) I still haven't received a 'failed to deliver' notice, though, so I suspect it of being accurate. However, if it is wrong, there's this one too:

krista.fabian@robertwilson.com

Which, being publicly available, is almost certainly active. The poor woman has done nothing to me personally; however, she is tainted by association with this failed miscarriage.

It is thus with the greatest of pride and vicious pleasure that I announce the "I Hate Robert Wilson" e-mail campaign. Please, open the above links, and let all that vitriol and bile that's been festering within your souls poor forth in streams of verbiage exceeded in vileness only by the speeches of Hitler. Even if you have no idea who this man is, take it from me: he is a human slime-mold, a deserving repository for the worst you have to offer.

Oh, and be creative. It's more fun that way.

3 Comments:

Blogger Austin said...

Man, he really pissed you off. :-)

8:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congratulations on your "high-priced degree".

"underprivelaged" is indeed very creative for someone like you, being so privileged of having received a University education.

9:42 AM  
Blogger Matt said...

I think you missed the point. I'm not complaining that the guy helped a kid (even I'm not that much of an asshole.) I'm complaining that he was bragging about it.

And sure, maybe attending university is a privelage. Doesn't make it easy ... and his backhanded denigration of a university education was what made the bile rise in my throat.

Isn't it interesting how hostile commentators prefer to remain Anonymous?

10:18 AM  

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