Friday, December 03, 2004

News on the Home Front

Before going any further, I should note that this must be some sort of record. Four blogs in one day. All of them brought about primarily out of boredom.

At any rate, in a personal aside to the pearls of timeless wisdom I have been casting so profligately about lately (and no, I compare you not to swine, you sensitive, delicate creatures you) I offer for your edification the somewhat stupefying, holee-shit news item that I have a date with a girl, tomorrow night. An actual, honest-to-omega girl. A cute one, too, as I'd be more than happy to show you if I had a digital camera (hint hint, Christmas givers.)

Why, one might ask, is this newsworthy? Very simple, really: in addition to being mean and cantankerous, I am also a colossal geek who gets nervous as hell around women I like. Additionally, it has been a year and half since breaking things off with my awful monster of an ex-girlfriend, a creature who did more to put the fear of a wrathful old-testament god into me than years of compulsory church-going. The time since then has been spent in a state of almost monkish chastity, with only two encounters having even the remotest connotation of mutual sexual interest. The first was holding-conversations-with-herself Golem crazy, the second a cocktauntress of the worst sort, who spent the night at the bar carressing my quivering genitalia and promptly hopped into bed with my friend (who was just as baffled as I, even to the point of offering - with no prompting on my part - to kick her slut ass out of his bed and send her my way.) Neither of these proceded to coitus, for which happy fact I prostrate myself before Dionysus in thinks for his uncharacteristic forebearance.

I should mention that I've been climbing the contact ladder with this girl for over a month now. The first e-mail didn't get through (for which I am also grateful, having some days later re-read the invitation therein and almost suffered cardiac arrest at the sheer, overpowering, awkward geekiness of it.) Turned out she never checked that address, given to me by her friend and my housemate, the talented young artist Meg Hewick (I'd been too chickenshit to ask her for it in person.) Later I e-mailed her and asked to to the Alexander preview, and although she did not get it in time she responded with her phone numbers, for future convenience.

An encouraging sign, I thought. I did not, however, call her that weekend, as I already had plans: Friday, to see an old friend whom I have not seen in months, and Saturday, to attend a party being held by an old friend whom I have not seen in years. Friday fell through entirely. And as for Saturday, well ... the party was frankly underwhelming, if only because I knew naught but one of the attendees, and her a hostess. Sushi was good, though, by which I mean plentiful and free.

Volunteer publicity spot: if you're in Toronto, check out Boiled Weiners. This is the sketch comedy troupe that threw the party as a fundraiser for their upcoming Chicago trip. The principals walked about in costume, and they were funny as hell. One of the characters is a Serbian immigrant who moves to Church Street, and as a result sings a song about how 60 Percents Are Gays. Offensive and sometimes cruel. Great stuff.

The point, though, is that I could have called, but didn't. It's all good though. We MSNd this week, I called her yesterday, she returned it today and we have a date for tomorrow.

Oh, her name's Pam by the way. Did I mention that she's cute? And, for some unfathomable reason that almost makes me doubt her sanity, willing to be seen in public with me?

Great god above, I am motherfucking delerious. I'm going to bed.

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